It’s no secret that 2020 is serving up everyone a bunch of lemons and we’re all scrambling around trying to find new ways of making lemonade. Education, no doubt, has taken a large hit this year with public and private schoolers finding themselves diving head first into a distorted form of homeschooling. Parents have cleaned out spare bedrooms and basement corners to set up virtual learning nooks for their kids. Everyone has had to learn how to be a home educator this year, even if you never meant to sign up for this role. Life is hard!

When Life is Hard

As the 2020-2021 school year begins and most students are either doing virtual learning, in-person mask-wearing learning, or homeschool, each family is bound to run into a hard season at some point. It might be something small like not being able to do “normal” life routines as usual, or it might be something big like a family tragedy or health crisis. Schooling during these difficult times can be just plain hard! But it’s not impossible.

As I’m typing this post, it’s September 6, 2020. Today is the 6th year anniversary of my son’s death. This anniversary, for whatever reason, has been harder than other years. I’m missing my baby, and…well…life is hard today. But I recently wrote an article for Wild + Free about this very topic: how to press on (or not!) during a difficult season…and how to homeschool through it all!

I usually don’t share my articles until they have been published along with Ana’s photographs, but with today being a day of remembrance for our family and with so many other families going through their own version of difficulties, I thought others may benefit now from these words that I shared with the Wild + Free community.

May you find hope during your own hard season.

*The following is my Wild + Free article.*

Homeschooling Through a Difficult Season

The day before Father’s Day 2014, I held the positive pregnancy test in my hand while I looked into my husband’s eyes with a shocked grin on my face. We already had three children, and this fourth pregnancy came as a surprise. With excitement and anticipation, I completed the rest of the summer with bouts of morning sickness and refrained from entering my kitchen when at all possible.

By the end of August the sickness disappeared, so I plunged full-speed ahead and began gearing up for another homeschool year. The next week, though, I was hit with extreme abdominal pains. I was early in my second trimester, so I made my way to the ER with trepidation. The diagnosis: I needed an emergency appendectomy. The surgery went perfectly, my baby was untouched, and I went home from the hospital very shaken but ready to recover. 

Less than two weeks later my husband was putting our three kids to bed while I laid on the couch with severe back pain. Some momentary relief came, but then I was hit full-force with crippling pain that didn’t let up. I communicated to my husband that we needed to head back to the ER. He called for baby-sitting help while I packed a bag and made my way down to the car. After descending down one flight of stairs, my water suddenly broke. My crippling back pain had been back labor.

Soon after arriving at the hospital, my son was placed into my arms. He never took a breath of stale air on earth but was safely delivered into the Lord’s care. 

The next week was a blur while we hastily prepared a small funeral for our son and began hard conversations with our three children, ages six and under. After the funeral ended and the busyness of out-of-town guests dissipated, I was left wondering how I would press on caring for three young children let alone homeschool them. I was still in a lot of pain from the appendectomy and complications from my delivery. How could I homeschool through this difficult season? 

I’m only a few weeks away from the sixth anniversary of the birth and death of my dear Chayton Philip. Over the past few years I have had the privilege of sharing my story with other women who had gone through similar circumstances. Seasons of trials come and go. If you homeschool for any length of time, you will probably experience your own difficult season during your homeschooling. Here are a few things that may make this challenging experience a little easier.

Embrace Your Community

Having a Type A personality, I like to do things on my own and in my own way. I don’t often ask others for help, but I will be the first person to offer help to others when they go through a hard season. I will insist on organizing meals for them, taking their kids off their hands so they can rest, and sending a card of encouragement. It’s second nature for me to help others, but it’s hard for me to ask for that same assistance. But during my trial it was necessary. I needed to embrace my community of friends who were more than willing to serve me. They dropped off dinners, canceled appointments for me, loved on my kids, included them in homeschool outings and made it possible for me to rest and recover. It was such a blessing to my whole family when I accepted help from our friends who loved us so much.

Alter Your Plans

While going through this difficult season, our family calendar and our homeschool calendar looked a lot different than a normal fall season for us. Homeschooling was taken at a slower pace with many days even skipped so I could make recovering a priority. This is the joy of homeschooling! We could cancel school altogether for days or weeks at a time so that we had time to wade through the waves that were being tossed our way. How grateful I was that we didn’t have to immediately jump into full days of lessons, school projects and field trips. We were given the freedom to take it as slow or fast as my health allowed. So, don’t be afraid to cross things off your school to-do list, back out of commitments, or alter your learning plans for a season. Your family will thank you when you give them (and yourself!) the space they need to breathe during a difficult time. Math can wait for another day.

Include Your Kids

We didn’t shy away from talking with our kids about the trial that we were going through. There were of course details that they didn’t need to know, but we shared our sadness and our sorrow with them. We grieved together and allowed room for spontaneous cuddling and conversations. A family who homeschools together does ALL of life together…the good and the messy. Use this time as a teaching opportunity for them. Teach them that grieving is ok, that rest and recovery is important, and that family comes first above all else.

Share Your Story

I am always grateful when I have the opportunity to share my story with other women who have also lost a child. Many women have been placed in my path who have walked the same road as I have. Healing and comfort comes from sharing the struggles and the sadness. Knowing that you aren’t in this alone is so comforting. My friend organized an evening on her back porch with a small group of women who were eager to share their stories. It was a beautiful evening of listening, grieving, empathizing and encouraging. We each brought mementos that we had of our babies who had passed away. We passed around special Christmas ornaments and other items that were dear to us. You may not feel comfortable sharing your story at first, but when you’re able, I encourage you to reach out to others. Your story may be just the thing to bring healing to another’s heart.

Read more?

If you’d like to read more about my story of losing Chayton, I have several blog posts about it on my personal blog from 2014 beginning with this one (click the link “Newer Post” at the bottom of each post to read the next one in the series).